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Highlights

JB's picture

 

No game provides a better highlight package than hockey.

Even ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports (that they carry) sneaks a minimum of four hockey highlights into SportsCenters top ten, despite not being able to devote a hot eight seconds of actual coverage of the sport during the rest of the show.  The bastards.

In all other sports, you can only go as fast as your feet can take you, and though it can be hard to deal with catching and throwing while moving at top speed, it’s not total chaos (can we teach Usain Bolt to catch and wear a Jets uniform yet?). 

Sometimes you take a few crossovers in hockey and are suprised to find you’re suddenly moving mach six.  You get that reckless feeling and start looking for someone to mow over; you can’t waste that speed.

Adrenaline, sharp skates and hard ice are a dangerously fun equation.

Football is the closest rival.  A good throw, a great catch, a big hit; it all makes for a nice package.  But everything starts from scrimmage and has a plan.  Basketball and baseball have amazing plays, but they provide very limited opportunity for new ones.  It’s all the alley-oop dunk, three-pointer or block; the outfield diving catch or the double play.  Thanks, seen it.

Every broken play in hockey can become something great.  There’s rarely a moment where you can send a text mid-play, like between pitches, between plays, while the ball is being walked upcourt or during the 53rd timeout. 

A hockey highlight package is a quick, intense smorgasbord that goes something like: dipsy-doodle dangle, back door tap-in.  Rockin’ glove save, some guy gets blown up in the corner and yard sales his gear across the ice.  Breakaway,  Fight.  Short-handed odd-man rush. Kick-save, shoot-out, bar-down.com, game winner, thanks for playing.

Dnews Grizzlies V Salmon Kings

I’m ragingly biased, sure.  But come on.  Check out my roommate last year tying up the game in the last minute.  That’s exciting stuff.

Speaking of goals, I can’t let this bit go that I found on Townie News.com awhile ago….

Former NHLer Randy Moller calls the Panthers games on the radio, and took calls on the Dan Le Batard show, looking for suggestions on how he could spice up his goal calls.  Fans called in, and stuffed him full of more pop culture references than SNL, taking lines from shows like Wedding Crashers and 30 Rock.  Check it check it:

 

Okay, new topic:  Are we done with the commercials offering  “bailouts”?  It’s a “taste bailout” from Domino’s.  It’s a “wallet bailout” from Subway.  The people at the Mattress Ranch are offering to bailout my lower lumbar.  I see what you’re doing, and thanks, but I think it’s safe to say that horse is dead.

Annnyyyways, tomorrow morning my piece on surviving the locker room is up on www.thehockeynews.com.  Enjoy!